I’ve been thinking about what it means to show up for myself lately. A year ago, I quit a job that had been completely toxic for the entire year that led up to me leaving. During my final year there, I put together a bi-weekly newsletter that was distributed to the whole department. Granted, the higher ups never wanted it nor did they appreciate the effort.
It’s a lot to get into, but I’ll leave it at that for now.
What I did there was such a huge amount of work. I wanted to do it and I grew through the experience. I’m proud of myself for the way I showed up during that time, but it took A LOT out of me. Toward the end, it really got me thinking.
It got me thinking about how often we show up at work, give our energy to those hours and orgs, and by the time we clock out, it’s really hard to put that same energy into our own personal goals. And it makes total sense why.
- We have so many other personal responsibilities and it can be hard to find the motivation after hours when we’ve already worked a long day.
- At home, we have to hold ourselves accountable. At work, we have other people holding us accountable to deadlines and performance.
- It’s difficult to prioritize rest and pleasure, and when you get a moment for that, it’s good to take it.
On reflection I know that against so many odds I managed to accomplish a lot there.
What if I could show up for myself in that same way?
I’m not sure what that means for me right now, exactly. But I always have so many ideas and things I want to do.
I thought about blogging again. But different this time. Not for a business I’m trying to grow, just for me.
I know firsthand it’s a lot of work to blog. You have to keep consistent. Learn the ins and outs. But if I held myself accountable at a place that totally sucked and didn’t appreciate what I was doing anyway, I think I can do this.
So I started this blog. I want it to be for fun. An outlet. My personal slice of the internet. I want to show up in this space the same way I show up for my 8-5s.
And I also want it to be low pressure and remain a FUN thing to do, rather than another task that feels obligatory and grueling. Still, I think I can have it both ways.
And I’m going to give it a (low pressure) try.
It’s taken me years to unlearn that I don’t have to give my ALL to my “8-5” work. But I’m a constant work in progress. In this society we’re told to believe “work isn’t everything” even though we spend at least 8 hours of our waking day there. In this society we’re often too scared to speak up for fear of retaliation or losing our jobs.
There are so many real, toxic truths that exist. I find that a lot of what we say about workplace culture and what we actually do are in contradiction.
It’s easy to say “establish boundaries, advocate for yourself and others, etc. etc. etc.” but the truth is that at many places there are real consequences for doing so. What makes sense in theory doesn’t often hold up in practice.
Yes, I believe we need to show up at work when it’s necessary and when we have the capacity. But I also want to apply the same, if not more, energy to my own personal goals.
So I’m going to try to stick with this blog and see what happens <3
(For more posts on learning/unlearning, click here).