It’s becoming increasingly more comfortable to not celebrate this holiday. I’ll say one of the hardest parts is still having to answer the question “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?” and feeling like that guy who says, we don’t celebrate. Or rejecting the invitations to celebrate the holiday with other folks. 

Still, though, even that is getting easier to explain or answer. And I’m happy to know a handful of folks personally who have also decided not to celebrate it anymore. 

And I’ve definitely had shifts in my own thinking, political beliefs, and all of that, so I try to stay humble at the same time. Like so many things, it kinda feels like a personal choice, at least at this point.

This year, we stayed home again. We all ate meals together. We took out the Chrismukkah decorations and finished decorating our front window. We still need to put ornaments on the trees (our main one, and two smaller trees in the kids’ room) but we’re hoping to have that wrapped up this weekend. 

I put on some Christmas/Hanukkah songs, we organized and cleaned up a few areas in the house that needed some attention. 

After lunch, we:

• Read the same “Truth About Thanksgiving” resource from last year
• Donated to the Abalone Mountain Press GoFundMe. The kids read both the Thanksgiving resource and mission of the place to where we donated. 
• Watched “Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron”

We talked together about some history of the U.S. and how it relates to this holiday. 

Overall, it was a relaxing day and I feel good about how we’re changing Thanksgiving traditions. 

As an aside, I’m excited to see the new horror film, Thanksgiving, whenever I get around to it. And for an additional fun, campy, horror watch on this holiday, I recommend Pilgrim. 

Here are some of the previous resources I’ve shared: 

• Illuminative website
• Article: The True, Dark History of Thanksgiving
• Border Angels
• Tribal Nations Maps
• Native Land map – to find which tribes originated in your city
• IG Accounts: @dawnlandmovie @illuminative @nativegiving @delfinaroybal @decolonizemyself
• Thanksgiving is a Celebration of White Supremacy & Indigenous Genocide– IG post

This is how we’ve been gradually changing Thanksgiving traditions within our own family. For more posts like this, click here. 

The post Changing Thanksgiving Traditions 2023 first appeared on Mind Tchotchkes For The Crotchety Millennial.

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For about a year I worked as a contracted virtual assistant through a staffing agency (Belay Solutions). I was in a transition period with work and it felt like a decent option for earning income while we planned for a cross-country move. 

I’ve been a contractor before in various capacities. I’ve worked so many side gigs in my life: as a freelance photographer for myself and other brands, a substitute teacher, dog watcher, caterer, event worker, and who knows what else I’m forgetting… But I’d never done contractor work before in this capacity, as a consistent admin assistant for a company.

What seemed like a great part-time option at first, quickly turned into an experience of burnout and total exploitation.

These places sell you on the idea of remote work, flexibility, control over your day, and being your “own boss.” But the actual expectation is that you’re on call for the org during business hours. I had to keep track of all my time using a clocking program (I used Clockify) and submit reports weekly. As a W9 contractor, I was provided with no benefits (PTO, insurance, anything)… I was anything but my own boss. 

It was rough.

I’ll write a separate post on the very real stress and challenges that came with this type of setup. But for now, I’m offering four questions that companies should ask before hiring a staffing agency for a virtual assistant. That is, if you want to be thoughtful about human rights and the conditions your contractor is working under.

Ask how much the contractor gets paid. 

Ask what portion of the total invoice you’ll be paying will be received by the contractor. In my case, I took home about half of what my client paid each month. A common misconception when going through a staffing agency is that the contractors keep more of that total invoice amount. Please keep in mind that the staffing agency is likely taking a large chunk of it. So while it seems like you pay a lot, it doesn’t all go to your contractor.

On top of that, we’re W9 employees, so we pay all of our own taxes ourselves, whereas W2 employees typically have half of the tax withholding, approx. 12.5 percent, covered by the employer. I used to set aside approx. 25 percent of my checks. After I withheld taxes, my hourly rate was about $15 an hour. 

It’s important to ask about the hourly wage your contractor is making. Then do that tax math, and manage your expectations accordingly. 

Why is it important that you ask as the person hiring a VA through a staffing agency?

It’s actually written in some of these contracts that contractors aren’t allowed to tell the clients how much money they’re making. Not to mention the inherent power dynamics involved in the whole business model. You should ask. Know what the people on your team, whether they’re contractors or full-time employees, make. That’s part of what makes a responsible and aware employer.

Ask if the contractor receives any benefits through the staffing agency. 

In most cases, W9 employees don’t receive any meaningful benefits. With Belay, we weren’t given PTO, any types of insurance or retirement benefits, etc. They occasionally offered discounts on edible arrangement-type places, most of which were too expensive anyway to buy and unappealing for most folks. I know I didn’t want to blow my whole monthly earnings on discounted Hello Fresh meals  

Here’s an example of how the lack of benefits played out for me. I was contracted to work approx. 16 hours a week/65 hours a month. So if the company I worked for was closed for holidays, I still had to figure out how to get to that 65 hours. If I wanted to take time off, I had to make up the hours on other days. 

While it seems like it’s gonna be “all chill, good, and flexible” in your head and you’re thinking oh hey, I only need to work about three hours a day, it rarely works out that nicely. I worked during holidays, weeks when everyone else at the org was out, and the times I was “on vacation”. When I traveled for my sister in laws wedding, I worked all of those days to keep up with hours. It was exhausting and a recipe for burnout and resentment. On the rare days I didn’t work because I felt sick, I paid for it later. 

My suggestion:

If the staffing agency doesn’t offer the contractor benefits, at the bare minimum, the org can offer PTO easily to the contractor themselves. Don’t have the contractor “make-up” hours when you choose to close your office. Let them also have those hours off. Subtract them from the contract. If they’re sick, don’t ask them to make up the hypothetical three-hour allotment they would have had for the day. Stuff like that goes a really long way. 

It’s also just important to know what circumstances your contractor is working under. So if you know they have no health benefits, etc. and are making very little money, let that guide you in your expectations and treatment of the human being behind doing this type of work. 

Ask if the contractors receive raises, when they receive them, and if there’s a cap.

With Belay, we received raises after one year of working there and with a cap of I think $21 or $22 an hour. It’s hard for me to remember the exact details. Already, it’s not a lot, and when you’re withholding your own taxes, it’s even less. 

Ask about the process and costs to hire them directly.

Another aspect that isn’t fully considered by all before entering an arrangement like this, is that the contractor becomes very much immersed in your company. You build relationships with each other. The VA understand your preferences and needs, and they become very much like actual employees. What may have started out as an easy, part-time solution for you both, has now become a valuable workplace relationship. 

I thoroughly enjoyed the actual company I was matched with and felt very much involved and part of the org. Though I wasn’t making near enough money, I wanted to stay on with them on my own, so that I could make a liveable wage. It’s not something that I imagined happening before signing on with Belay, but here I was.

Turns out, the buyout fee is very large, around $20k in some cases. This means many orgs are unlikely to buy out their contractors. The contracts also state that you can’t just quit and go work for them. You have to take a two-year time period off or something like that. It’s ridiculously difficult and written in such a way that it makes it near impossible for the contractor to grow financially or move up with the org they’re working with.

So after you’ve invested all this time working together, the way out of the contract feels like a long shot. You’re either stuck with Belay or you have to leave the org for a better situation. 

Basically,

This is very much what exploitation looks like. And it’s important that it’s talked about openly and called out. As the responsible organization, these are the questions to ask before hiring a virtual assistant. If you don’t ask, it’s going to be really hard for your virtual assistant to get the courage to tell you, if they’re even legally able to. 

Always have open, honest conversations with the people on your payroll. It’s part of your due diligence as an employer, especially if you have any kind of DEI statement on your sites or handbooks. 

I can honestly say this was one of the most stressful times in my work life, and I’ve had quite a few. A true nightmare situation and I mean that. I know this setup works for some (though I’m not sure how). All I can guess is they have a partner who makes more, they live in a super low-cost city and want guaranteed remote work… But truly, as much as I’ve tried to imagine the ways it can work, it doesn’t make sense to me how anyone can sustain even basic needs on this setup. 

I truly hope places like Belay change their ways completely or that they go out of business. As a place that sells itself on “Christian values” it’s not doing Christianity any favors. 

I have much more to say about this type of setup that I’ll save for later posts. But if you’re an org looking to outsource admin work through hiring a virtual assistant, at a minimum, you need to ask about and consider the above questions. 

If something seems shady, speak up. Because they’ll listen to ya’ll more than they’ll listen to the measly contractors. And that’s a fact. 

Click here for future blog posts on the topic.

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It’s no surprise that home projects take longer and cost more than expected, so I tried to mentally prepare myself for that happening. Even still, when it did happen, I had numerous freak outs and anxiety filled moments. 

Below are my key takeaways:

• Budget for at least double the cost of your project. And if you have money leftover, great. 
• Mentally prepare yourself for the project to take longer than estimated. 
• Google/research the materials you’re buying plus the installation and maintenance processes. Have a sense of what goes into the process. To ensure things are being handled properly, don’t be afraid to ask your contractor questions.
• Document your communications with your contractors (ideally via email). Keep them informed about your materials and the questions you have so that you CYA when/if stuff comes up in the future.
• Be prepared to deal with many inconveniences and send multiple follow ups to the people you hired to make sure your project gets moved along. Make sure you receive all the documentation (ex: asbestos test results, etc).
• Save all documentation in a folder somewhere. 
• If you buy an older home, test it for asbestos so you know what you’re dealing with in advance. 
• Never do another renovation again. Kidding (sort of ). 

The amount of times I had to follow up with people, verify processes, and get my questions answered was beyond frustrating. The folks we hired made quite a few mistakes. I had to get folks out numerous times. It was a fairly stressful three week process. 

We cleaned, sealed, and polished ourselves to get the job done faster.

As far as costs go, here is an “accurately as I can get” breakdown of what went into the VCT tile renovation:

Tchotchkes Design consultation: $750 

VCT Tile: $824 (Jubilee: $242 / Cool White: $582) 

*we bought a fair amount more of this than we needed

Baseboards: approx. $180

Sealer and Polish: $156

Cleaner: $80

Flat microfiber mop/supplies (bucket): $50

Roller Rental at Home Depot: $25

Asbestos Removal: $3941

GC for Tile Install: $1803

Total = $7809

* Not including laundromat costs, extra fast food… from lack of access to our kitchen and washer/dryer.

Below are some helpful resources that I used along the way:

Armstrong Installation Links

Blog Post – How to Seal VCT Tile

Blog Post – Flooring Options for Renovations : helpful section on VCT tile

How to Lay VCT Flooring article

Asbestos Air Testing Link

Blog Post – DIY VCT Flooring

5 Midcentury Modern Flooring Options – blog post 

So that’s about it. Our first renovation in the books. We’re tired. And we still have a few more things to finish in the somewhat more immediate timeframe. Thankfully they’re not a massive priority (the dining room and the primary bathroom floor). 

This VCT tile renovation has been an experience but I’m still not at the point where I have buyer’s remorse.

Yes, I wish someone (like our inspector) during the closing process would have explicitly stated, highlighted, and recommended we do asbestos testing prior to closing and prior to doing a renovation. 

But I love this house and the neighborhood. And I hate dealing with landlords. I still sent a bunch of follow ups when we rented, the only difference being that we paid for the job ourselves this time.

It feels good to “invest” in a place that’s “ours” and a home that I feel more of a sense of pride and responsibility toward. 

We knew going into it that we were buying an older home that needed some work/upgrades. And the security that comes with “owning” my own place still wins over renting. I’m in control. I have a fixed mortgage payment that no one can decide to raise on us or kick us out if they want to sell or whatever. It’s a different kind of feeling of security that I craved after renting for so long and reaching my threshold with landlords and property management companies, especially in an overinflated housing market. 

I’m definitely eager to rebuild our emergency savings fund and get back on track with our other financial goals. But having tile in those rooms now instead of carpet has already made a huge difference for the better. 

It’s also times like this that I’m grateful for having two incomes and working toward the financial security that we’ve been striving for since we graduated college. The process has reminded me of all the ways in which we are (and are not) privileged.

It feels so good to be able to do something like this without going into debt. I don’t take that for granted

Click here to read the first part of this series and stay tuned for more housing updates here.  

The post VCT Tile Renovation in our ‘70s House – Part 3 first appeared on Mind Tchotchkes For The Crotchety Millennial.

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The team we hired to do the flooring came over and pulled up our carpet. Underneath was what we suspected was the original tile from the 70s. 

I read online that some of these old materials from houses built in the 70s could contain asbestos. 

We stopped the project and got the floors (black, mastic material underneath the tile) tested. We also tested our popcorn ceilings since we learned those likely also contained asbestos. 

Not surprisingly, the results were positive. Since the flooring team already pulled up our carpet and had messed with the tile already, we opted to hire an asbestos abatement team. We had the mastic flooring and popcorn ceiling removed from the dining/dining areas. 

(We added the flooring in the primary bathroom since that had mastic also, but that’s a story for another day).

This delayed our project by about at least another week. They taped off the rooms and we didn’t use the HVAC system during the process. We didn’t have access to our washer, dryer, dishwasher or anything in the kitchen and dining room areas. We also had our fridge in the living room. 

The team removed the asbestos and we passed the air quality test. The floor installers were now able to come back.

We learned a few things about VCT tile along the way:

• you need a special adhesive glue for this type of flooring;
• You should wait 5 days after laying the tile before cleaning, sealing, and polishing it;
• We did two coats of sealer and four coats of polish. We waited a minimum of 60 minutes between each coat;
• Let the floor sit for another 24 hours before moving furniture back onto it 

So needless to say, a project we initially thought would take a couple days, took three weeks and tripled in cost. 

This process was stressful. There were quite a few people in and out of our house during this time. We made frequent visits to a laundromat and had a living room crammed with stuff, including our fridge. 

Thankfully, we are done with the tile piece. We still need to finish the ceiling in the dining room now.

On top of that, an unexpected plumbing issue arose when the washer was hooked back up. We needed to replace the cold water valve that was leaking.

A few days later, the HOA sent us a warning that are lawn needed to be maintained. All in all it really felt like this VCT tile renovation led to a snowball effect of random housing shit.

In my final post, I’ll go over all the costs associated with this project, my takeaways, and the resources I found to be most helpful during the process. Click here to read the first part of the series.

The post VCT Tile Renovation in our 70’s House – Part Two first appeared on Mind Tchotchkes For The Crotchety Millennial.

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We like granny things and this was definitely a perfect granny house. Part of its charm and why we loved it was because it hadn’t been updated much. It didn’t look like the sterile new builds that are literally everywhere. Not deliberately trying offend anyone, but those just aren’t our jam – and ppl make enough snide comments toward my own tastes so I figure fuck it – while we’re here on my own blog…anyhoo. 

There are things we definitely do want to “upgrade” though. One of them being new flooring in the kitchen and dining room. The whole house was carpeted, including the kitchen and dining room. It’s a bit weird to have carpet in a kitchen. It’s not a practical choice in a space where spills and those types of things happen often.

Plus with kids, we wanted a few spaces to not be carpet. So this “new flooring” task was one of the firsts on our priorities list after moving in. 

Neither of us has a background or particularly high interest in home renovations, design, or any of that. So it was really hard to know where to start. I did some googling about flooring but felt overwhelmed by the many options and the whole process.

We also have a very distinct kitchen, harvest gold counters and all, so finding something to match it felt difficult. 

We decided to hire a designer to get some help. I did a Google search and found Tchotchkes Design Studio (!) online. I saw that the owner, Tasha, offered a 3-hour consultation package for $750 and I reached out right away to schedule something. 

And I mean Tchotchkes Design! Are you serious? It felt… serendipitous? bashert? (Come to find out, it’s not a Jewish-owned business. Slightly disappointing but the investment was worth it all the same). 

Tasha told us about VCT tile and recommended a couple of colors from the Tarkett brand.

She recommended VCT because it’s durable, easy to clean, and not very costly. 

During the three hours she was here, she also helped us with a lot of other ideas for each room.

After hours of searching the interwebs, we ordered samples of the Armstrong VCT brand instead, which we could pick up locally at a much cheaper price, and we also ordered a Terrazzo tile brand. 

I ended up doing so many searches!! I was in a massive internet rabbit hole over flooring. Thinking about which kind, color, brand, etc. etc. It was a lot. Ultimately, we decided to go with Armstrong Cool White for the dining room and Armstrong Jubilee for the kitchen. We felt Jubilee would be a fun choice for our harvest gold kitchen.

Cool White

Jubilee

The Cool White was in stock at a local Lowe’s in Scottsdale. We ordered the Jubilee and were able to pick it up a few weeks later. 

I’ve spent so much time now looking up info for this VCT tile renovation, including how it’s installed and maintained. We’re excited to see how it looks (and holds up) in these two spaces once the installation is complete.

Once we picked the flooring we also needed to get new baseboards. We got the same ones that were in the other rooms that we picked up from Home Depot.

We’re in the midst of the renovation right now, and a lot of other stuff came up during the process. But I’m taking the process piece by piece and breaking it into smaller blog posts.

Click here to read more posts about this VCT tile renovation project. 

The post VCT Tile Renovation in our ’70s House – Part 1 first appeared on Mind Tchotchkes For The Crotchety Millennial.

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Working out isn’t my favorite thing to do. Shocker, right? Like a lot of folks, I find it challenging to be consistent and motivated enough to do it. And also, like a lot of folks, I feel a lot better when I actually do it.

I’m getting older. I’m 36 and my metabolism, especially after two kids, isn’t what it used to be. While I’m a thin person and that’s my natural body type, I’ve definitely noticed it’s been harder to stay “fit” in my 30s. Logically I’m aware that it shouldn’t be a big deal to age, gain weight, and that it’s totally normal not to have the body that I had in my 20s or pre-kids.

But the truth is, I still care about how I look. It’s hard to experience my face and my body getting older. Some days, I don’t care at all, and some days I’m ready to book my first botox appointment. It’s a constant battle, especially given the society we live in.

So I admit, I’m motivated by physical appearance to workout, but not only that, I’m actively reminding myself that more than anything it’s important to do it for the health benefit.

Healthcare is so terrible in the US. Not only is it expensive, it’s not that great either. The idea of keeping myself out of that system a bit more by trying to be somewhat physically healthy is a big motivator (because I’m truly not that healthy, ok?).

But if you’re a parent and a working one at that, it’s so hard to find the energy and the time. 

Below are my favorite workouts for busy millennial parents:

Popsugar Fitness Youtube Workouts

There are many amazing options on Popsugar Fitness, for free! Sometimes, you’ll be interrupted by ads if you’re using the free version but overall it’s great. I’ve done numerous workouts here and my favorites are the ones by Jake Dupree. I like a mix of exercises that are a bit fast-paced but there’s something for everyone on there. This is my current go-to:

Jake Dupree Cardio and Toning: 30-minute workout

And I did this 30 Days to a Flat Belly workout a few years ago.

Club SAR in Scottsdale:

If you live in the East Valley, I highly recommend Club SAR for a cheap, low-stakes place to workout. It’s $4 for class or day pass if you’re a Scottsdale resident and $6 if you’re not. I love that there are no signup fees or anything like that. You show up, pay by cash or card, and it’s simple as that. (The memberships are low cost compared to other options too if you do decide to do that).

Lately, I’ve been attending either the spin, barre, or kickboxing classes they offer, depending on whatever weekday my spouse has off from work. And if you don’t want to go to a class, I’m pretty sure you can workout in the main areas and use the equipment. 

Since it’s a community gym, the bikes and all of that aren’t top-of-the-line, fancy stuff, but it does the trick! The music is good and the instructors are great. I love that this gym and the ease and affordability of it exist. Such a hidden gem!

Fun fact: I actually went to Club Sar in college with some girlfriends I had at the time. It’s so funny going back there some 15 years later now! 

Lastly, doing things at home is a good option if you can force yourself to set aside the time. I just bought a jump rope so I’ll let you know how that goes. But the peeing in your pants risk factor certainly increases on an exercise like that…

(I finally understand this lady now, btw…)

Anyhoo, these are my favorite workouts for busy millennial parents. But when all else fails, grab a bag of flamin’ hots, say fuck it and give it all a go some other time  

Check out my other blog posts here.

The post My Favorite Workouts for Busy Millennial Parents first appeared on Mind Tchotchkes For The Crotchety Millennial.

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You can read my post about last year’s Thanksgiving reflections here.

This year, the kids were invited to a friend’s dinner so we did that on Wednesday evening. It was really casual and a fun time between my kiddos and my friend’s kiddos. The kids made cotton candy and snow cones and ate dinner together. We also read the “Truth About Thanksgiving” aloud at the table. It was a bit silly because the kids are all still really young and it’s hard for them to focus but we made it through. 

Thursday morning, we woke up and ate cinnamon rolls together, then we decorated for Christmas and Hanukkah, also known as Chrismukkah. We bought a new fake, white Christmas tree and decorated the window in the front of our townhome. We took the rest of the day to relax, watch tv and lay around the house. 

During breakfast, our 7-year-old read the “Truth About Thanksgiving” again aloud at the table.

I found this resource during a google search looking for something we could use to educate the kids. It took at least an hour before I stumbled across this blog post, which led me to the above downloadable, which was exactly what I was looking for. It cost $6 and is completely worth it. I highly recommend it if you’re looking for an easy-to-understand way to explain the truth and origins of this holiday with young kids. 

We attempted to discuss the information as a family after breakfast, but with a 7 and 4-year-old, it’s always hard to tell how much is actually being retained. Still, we’re glad to lay the groundwork anyway and have it be part of our new process. 

Lastly, we made a donation to the Navajo Relief Fund. You can look up which Native tribes lived in the area where you currently reside using this website.

Resources:

I’m taking this year to again share resources that I’ve personally found helpful for navigating this holiday, how to celebrate, and indigenous accounts I follow, in case anyone else wants to check them out:

Illuminative website

Article: The True, Dark History of Thanksgiving

Border Angels

Tribal Nations Maps

IG Accounts: @dawnlandmovie @illuminative @nativegiving @delfinaroybal @decolonizemyself

You Cannot Decolonize Thanksgiving – IG post 

Thanksgiving is a Celebration of White Supremacy & Indigenous Genocide – IG post

How are you and your family changing Thanksgiving traditions this year?

The post Changing Thanksgiving Traditions 2022 first appeared on Mind Tchotchkes For The Crotchety Millennial.

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While trying to take a more active role in voting and educating myself about candidates, I’ve found the process to be daunting at times. There are the obvious choices. Like clearly voting for Mark Kelly over Blake Masters, not only in an effort to keep our Senate blue but also because Masters is Trump endorsed and gives off creepy vibes to the max. 

I did a previous post on resources I used to vote in the primaries. I used many of these same resources to fill out the midterm ballot. When it comes to completing a ballot, google is also definitely your friend. 

But it still seems like there’s a lot of info out there that’s missing. 

For instance, the huge section about which judges to retain or not. I’ve heard/read that this section “doesn’t really matter” because the judges are almost always retained regardless. But tbh, that feels like a bullshit answer, ya know? Because some of these judges could be completely awful and we wouldn’t even know it. 

I did some internet sleuthing and found a few helpful resources for the various items on the ballot as follows:

Judges:

Article: What to Know About the 74 Arizona Judges on the 2022 Ballot

Resource: Judicial Performance Reports

Takeaways:
I didn’t look up all of these judges on the ballot. I did look up the ones mentioned in the article and decided to vote no on Rusty Crandall, Matthew Hopkins, and Howard Sukenic.

Supreme Court Justices:
For this section, I used Ballotpedia to look up the candidate and their political affiliation. 

I voted “No” on William “Bill” Montgomery who is listed as a “Strong” Republican, and mentioned in the above article.

I voted “No” on James Beene who is listed as a “Mild” Republican.

Ann Timmer is listed as NonPartisan. It looks like she’s donated more to the Democratic Party. 

Looking at the Arizona Supreme Court Justices, there’s not a lot of diversity here. From what I can glean from the internet, most are Republican, if not all of them. On top of the fact that there are only two women, and from what I can tell, just one person of color, John Lopez, who identifies as a strong Republican. 

Next up, The Propositions Section:

 Some of these were easier to figure out than others. For example, Prop 308 is an obvious YES. But here’s what I used to help me decide on the others:

Resource: Arizona Progressive Voter’s Guide

Article: 2022 Election: Taking a closer look at Arizona’s ballot proposition measures

Resource: Ballotpedia

Takeaways: I couldn’t find a lot of info on some of these props, like Prop 130, 131, and 310. I ended up selecting “Yes” to those. But if any progressive voting folks have thoughts on these, I’d love to hear them. 

The Education Section:

There are a few items on my ballot about the Tempe School District as well as the Maricopa County Community College District. I attended MCCCD’s, love them, and have a great passion and support for them. 

For the MCCCD District At-Large vote, I went with Kelli Butler. She’s a woman and part of the Democratic party. Seems better than the other option.

For the sections on Tempe High Schools, I voted “Yes” to all questions using the info provided on this site. 

That’s about as far as I’ve made it through my ballot so far, but I’ll update this list as I continue to complete the sections and find out information. 

The deadline for mail-in voting is 7 days before Election Date, November 8th. So we’re aiming to get our ballots in the mail no later than Nov. 1st! 

If you have any additional helpful Arizona 2022 voting resources, please share them in the comments. Thank you!

The post Arizona 2022 Voting Resources – Midterm Ballot first appeared on Mind Tchotchkes For The Crotchety Millennial.

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If art imitates life, then we only need to look to movies to confirm that we need better men. 

I’m a 35-year-old, horror-loving, married mother of two. The last three horror movies I watched have me wondering why there are so many terrible male characters.

Abandoned with Emma Roberts. Watcher with Maika Monroe. And Hereditary with Toni Collette. 

If you’ve seen them, you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, but you’ve watched movies in general, you still probably know what I’m talking about. 

In each of these movies, the male characters essentially believe their spouses are mentally unstable and losing their minds. They never fully trust what their wives are trying to tell them.

Yet, these women are facing real concerns and danger. Instead of being able to turn to their husbands for support, they’re ignored, gaslit, and blamed for the problems of the relationship and family.

I’ve got to be honest. It’s frustrating. 

And really, it’s not a theme exclusively reserved for horror. A few months ago we went to see Everything Everywhere All at Once at the theater and I found myself processing a similar predicament afterward. Sure, it’s a cute, entertaining movie that I enjoyed. But the more I sat with it, I hated the subconscious gender themes that emerged from the story.

The overly stressed wife who can’t seem to be happy with her life and her family. She has to go through a whole entire sci-fi adventure to be able to appreciate “all that she has”. Meanwhile, the husband is presented as a content, simple, supportive character – only trying to please and un-pleasable wife.

I googled who wrote and directed the film, and you guessed it. Two men did. 

The film makes it apparent the wife is the one whose outlook needs to change the whole time. The one whose unhappiness was causing the destruction of the family.

What’s more frustrating is I’m willing to bet these themes are entirely missed on most men going to see these same movies. And good luck if you try to point it out… (cue defensiveness and fragility).

It leaves me wondering…

Where’s the man who as a default stands by and believes his wife, from start to finish? One who, even if they’re telling him some shit that might sound hard to believe, even if it’s “intense”, is like ok, I’m going to trust this woman. Maybe I’ll even ask her what she needs and how I can help. 

Instead these men just become another barrier. Another person she has to convince to take her seriously.

Where’s the man who, when the tough gets going, doesn’t take the first opportunity to say his wife is out of control, impossible, imagining things? 

Where’s the guy who believes their wife when it comes to a situation they themselves could never completely understand? 

Do they exist?

And it feels way too familiar. And personal. Because what woman doesn’t constantly have to validate herself – whether it be in the family unit, relationship, or the workplace. 

Honestly, I believe most men will happily take an opportunity to run with the idea that their female partner is emotionally or mentally unstable on some level. It assures them of their confidence. It assures them of their position within society and within the male-female relationship. Because clearly, they’ve always been the “more stable” partner.

For every woman who’s expected to be a “ride or die” it’s hard to see that same energy, literally ever, from the other side. 

So where’s the dude who actually sees it through? Even when it gets challenging. Even when it’s a bit hard for him to understand or believe what his wife is going through. 

Where is that guy? 

Because we’re waiting. 

(For more posts on pop culture, click here).

The post We need better men in movies. But also in real life. first appeared on Mind Tchotchkes For The Crotchety Millennial.

The post We need better men in movies. But also in real life. appeared first on Mind Tchotchkes For The Crotchety Millennial.

It’s a lot to get into, but I’ll leave it at that for now.

What I did there was such a huge amount of work. I wanted to do it and I grew through the experience. I’m proud of myself for the way I showed up during that time, but it took A LOT out of me. Toward the end, it really got me thinking. 

It got me thinking about how often we show up at work, give our energy to those hours and orgs, and by the time we clock out, it’s really hard to put that same energy into our own personal goals. And it makes total sense why.

• We have so many other personal responsibilities and it can be hard to find the motivation after hours when we’ve already worked a long day.
• At home, we have to hold ourselves accountable. At work, we have other people holding us accountable to deadlines and performance.
• It’s difficult to prioritize rest and pleasure, and when you get a moment for that, it’s good to take it.

On reflection I know that against so many odds I managed to accomplish a lot there.

What if I could show up for myself in that same way? 

I’m not sure what that means for me right now, exactly. But I always have so many ideas and things I want to do. 

I thought about blogging again. But different this time. Not for a business I’m trying to grow, just for me. 

I know firsthand it’s a lot of work to blog. You have to keep consistent. Learn the ins and outs. But if I held myself accountable at a place that totally sucked and didn’t appreciate what I was doing anyway, I think I can do this.

So I started this blog. I want it to be for fun. An outlet. My personal slice of the internet. I want to show up in this space the same way I show up for my 8-5s. 

And I also want it to be low pressure and remain a FUN thing to do, rather than another task that feels obligatory and grueling. Still, I think I can have it both ways. 

And I’m going to give it a (low pressure) try. 

It’s taken me years to unlearn that I don’t have to give my ALL to my “8-5” work. But I’m a constant work in progress. In this society we’re told to believe “work isn’t everything” even though we spend at least 8 hours of our waking day there. In this society we’re often too scared to speak up for fear of retaliation or losing our jobs. 

There are so many real, toxic truths that exist. I find that a lot of what we say about workplace culture and what we actually do are in contradiction. 

It’s easy to say “establish boundaries, advocate for yourself and others, etc. etc. etc.” but the truth is that at many places there are real consequences for doing so. What makes sense in theory doesn’t often hold up in practice.

Yes, I believe we need to show up at work when it’s necessary and when we have the capacity. But I also want to apply the same, if not more, energy to my own personal goals.

So I’m going to try to stick with this blog and see what happens <3

(For more posts on learning/unlearning, click here).

The post Learning to Show Up For Myself first appeared on Mind Tchotchkes For The Crotchety Millennial.

The post Learning to Show Up For Myself appeared first on Mind Tchotchkes For The Crotchety Millennial.