We need better men in movies. But also in real life.
If art imitates life, then we only need to look to movies to confirm that we need better men.
I’m a 35-year-old, horror-loving, married mother of two. The last three horror movies I watched have me wondering why there are so many terrible male characters.
Abandoned with Emma Roberts. Watcher with Maika Monroe. And Hereditary with Toni Collette.
If you’ve seen them, you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, but you’ve watched movies in general, you still probably know what I’m talking about.
In each of these movies, the male characters essentially believe their spouses are mentally unstable and losing their minds. They never fully trust what their wives are trying to tell them.
Yet, these women are facing real concerns and danger. Instead of being able to turn to their husbands for support, they’re ignored, gaslit, and blamed for the problems of the relationship and family.
I’ve got to be honest. It’s frustrating.
And really, it’s not a theme exclusively reserved for horror. A few months ago we went to see Everything Everywhere All at Once at the theater and I found myself processing a similar predicament afterward. Sure, it’s a cute, entertaining movie that I enjoyed. But the more I sat with it, I hated the subconscious gender themes that emerged from the story.
The overly stressed wife who can’t seem to be happy with her life and her family. She has to go through a whole entire sci-fi adventure to be able to appreciate “all that she has”. Meanwhile, the husband is presented as a content, simple, supportive character – only trying to please and un-pleasable wife.
I googled who wrote and directed the film, and you guessed it. Two men did.
The film makes it apparent the wife is the one whose outlook needs to change the whole time. The one whose unhappiness was causing the destruction of the family.
What’s more frustrating is I’m willing to bet these themes are entirely missed on most men going to see these same movies. And good luck if you try to point it out… (cue defensiveness and fragility).
It leaves me wondering…
Where’s the man who as a default stands by and believes his wife, from start to finish? One who, even if they’re telling him some shit that might sound hard to believe, even if it’s “intense”, is like ok, I’m going to trust this woman. Maybe I’ll even ask her what she needs and how I can help.
Instead these men just become another barrier. Another person she has to convince to take her seriously.
Where’s the man who, when the tough gets going, doesn’t take the first opportunity to say his wife is out of control, impossible, imagining things?
Where’s the guy who believes their wife when it comes to a situation they themselves could never completely understand?
Do they exist?
And it feels way too familiar. And personal. Because what woman doesn’t constantly have to validate herself – whether it be in the family unit, relationship, or the workplace.
Honestly, I believe most men will happily take an opportunity to run with the idea that their female partner is emotionally or mentally unstable on some level. It assures them of their confidence. It assures them of their position within society and within the male-female relationship. Because clearly, they’ve always been the “more stable” partner.
For every woman who’s expected to be a “ride or die” it’s hard to see that same energy, literally ever, from the other side.
So where’s the dude who actually sees it through? Even when it gets challenging. Even when it’s a bit hard for him to understand or believe what his wife is going through.
Where is that guy?
Because we’re waiting.
(For more posts on pop culture, click here).